Friday, September 25, 2015

Love me Tinder

Sometimes I think to myself, "Hey. Let's, like, be responsible, and do things. Like blogging. Or putting on pants."

But then I say, "Um, actually pants sound like a horrible idea, Self. Sooo...I'm gonna need you to stop being ridiculous and bring better ideas to the table."

And thus I never blog or wear pants and it's just a horrible cycle. HELP.

I'm mostly kidding. But less so than may be comfortable or desired.

I have to laugh at myself though, because when I look back at my posts, a lot of them revolve around me having not posted in a while. So, instead of making empty promises, we'll just see if I can blog again in the next 6 months, NSA.


Let's talk about that.

Here's the thing. I'm not sure that I could ever be in any kind of relationship/be married/have kids (do NOT tell my mother that. She wants grandchildren with a passion that rivals none other). But Tinder is super fun, IF you play it like a game.


1. You must always swipe right on the first person that comes up.
2. You must swipe right for mutual friends.
3. You must swipe right if you know the person.
4. You may swipe right if you find the person attractive in any way (physically, bio, interests, etc.)
5. If you do all the above and are yielding no results, you must abort mission and resort to TOTAL SWIPE MODE (i.e. swipe everyone right)

As a disclaimer, I know that some people are on Tinder looking for "true love" and "meaningful relationships" but that's just no fun. If you are one of those people and you are offended by the way I play Tinder...leave now. Because it's not going to get better. Also, MUY IMPORTANTE. ESCUCHAME POR FAVOR: Don't be stupid. Don't give out personal info, blah blah blah. We're trying to have fun here, not get brutally murdered.

So anyway.

After you get your swipe on, you will probably get some messages. My friend (that we'll call Fiona) and I went out the other night and played Tinder because why not. We had quite a bit of fun with it. For instance, we decided that out of the people that messaged us, one of them we would have to rhyme with. A real example of this would be the following exchange:

Randel (43): How are you?

Me (24): I'm feeling a bit blue.
Randel: Well that's no good. I'm feeling a bit lonely tonight...
Can I help
Me: I'm sorry for your plight.
Randel (still not getting it): That's the way it goes sometimes. 
Why are you blue?
Me: True, sometimes life is like lemons and limes. 
I have no clue
And so on. Sadly, Randel never got it. But it was fun.

Some guys we were super vague with, and some we just adopted entirely different alter egos

( that redundant?). The result was hilarity. The various guys were funny, good natured, gross,  bemused, annoyed, etc. But no feelings were hurt in the making of this Tinder Fun Time.

But after all that, after the fun and the excitement of trolling, I realized how nice it is to be desired,

Like, I know I'm not the first person to say this, and it's super obvious. But, I imagine myself never dating, never marrying, and just being solitary. There are probably a million reasons for this and it's probably not healthy, but this is how I've lived and envisioned myself living forever. So to think that it's nice to be desired, is almost counterintuitive to my thought process.

The worst part though was that it was in some way rewarding to be desired (even as superficially as humanly possible because Tinder) by someone that even if I DID decide to not be #foreveralone, I would never consider dating.



I don't know.