Wednesday, November 14, 2012


Today, I feel like curling up into ball. 

I feel like throwing blankets over my head and hiding from the world. 

I feel like crying until I can't cry anymore. 

Is life ever just "too much"?

Today, is a Too Much day.

Today, I keep thinking of what I have to do tomorrow, and the next day, and the next. I see endless to-do lists and expectations for things I don't have to offer. 

I need answers! I need to make decisions! I need to sell more tea at work! 

I have so many things I need to get done, that I'm too overwhelmed to even start.

I had been doing pretty well. I had been pushing down the crazy. But, today, my body betrayed me. I got sick. Violently. At work.

Yeah. It wasn't pretty. And it was just one more thing to deal with. So, I went home. I called my mom, like any self-respecting adult. She didn't really seem to care that my little universe was imploding.

I said, "Mom! I got sick at work. And my car is broken-ish. And I don't know what everyone is making for Thanksgiving! And, I need to apply to colleges, but I don't even know where to begin! I don't know what I want to do with my life! I need another job! I can't pay my rent! I want to rip out my ovaries! It's Wednesday!"

She said, "I couldn't really understand you. I'm bringing fruit salad."

....alright. After saying goodbye, I flopped onto my bed and had a nice little dramatic cry into my pillow.

Honestly, I felt a little better, a lot sheepish, but a little better.  As I was wiping the tears, and mascara, from my face, I looked at my wall. And had an a-ha! moment. On my wall, I have a canvas that has an inspirational quote on it. The first line says, "Today is the day."

Simple stuff. But it reminded me that today is all I can do. Breathe in. Breathe out. 

I can do today. 

Tomorrow will have to wait.

Saturday, November 3, 2012

Celebration of my Station

"SO. When are you going to find boy to marry?!" *wink*

Anyone else tired of hearing this question? Mmhmm. How about this one, "How can you STILL be single?"

I truly believe in the deepest recesses of my heart of hearts that the asker sincerely thinks this is a flattering query. However, to the Single Ear it loosely translates to: "What is wrong with you??" 

This is usually when I begin my well rehearsed 5 step routine:

1. Laugh
   1A. Laugh and shake head
2. Say, "I don't have time for that!!" 
3. Explain all the various activities taking up time in your busy schedule.
   3A. Make everyday activities sound like extracurriculars. 

Example: Conducting experimentation with vigorous oral regimens via the use of a fibril-like substance, made specifically for the purpose of excavating unwanted matter caught between hard, bony structures located in both the mandible and maxilla. 
4. Change the subject.

Example: In other news, I hear your grandma ate an entire fleet of carrier pigeons. 

5. Run. 

But, what I hate the most is when the reply is, "Don't worry. You'll find someone soon."

Did I say I wanted a relationship? Am I that pitiful?? I don't understand why I have to be attached to another person to be deemed happy or acceptable. 

Yes, I have days when I feel lonely.

Yes,  I want to wear the pretty wedding dress I found on Pinterest someday.

Yes, I eventually want a houseful of chillens to boss around.

But, I also am enjoying my life right where it is right now! I love being able to make decisions that affect only me. I like being on this journey, not knowing what's up ahead, and being generally okay with that. I need the optional solitude being single allows.

THAT'S my life. It's hectic and crazy and wonderful. And I love it!

So, in this next week I'm going to celebrate my Singlehood. 

I'm going to drink straight  out of my milk carton. (Which I can do, because I have special lactose free milk my roommate doesn't use. And, also, I do what I want!!)

I'm going to take myself on a date.

I'm going to sit in Barnes and Noble for HOURS. 

I'm going to plan my future, then throw it out and start again.

I'm going to love on my Singlehood.


Dere it is.