Wednesday, November 14, 2012


Today, I feel like curling up into ball. 

I feel like throwing blankets over my head and hiding from the world. 

I feel like crying until I can't cry anymore. 

Is life ever just "too much"?

Today, is a Too Much day.

Today, I keep thinking of what I have to do tomorrow, and the next day, and the next. I see endless to-do lists and expectations for things I don't have to offer. 

I need answers! I need to make decisions! I need to sell more tea at work! 

I have so many things I need to get done, that I'm too overwhelmed to even start.

I had been doing pretty well. I had been pushing down the crazy. But, today, my body betrayed me. I got sick. Violently. At work.

Yeah. It wasn't pretty. And it was just one more thing to deal with. So, I went home. I called my mom, like any self-respecting adult. She didn't really seem to care that my little universe was imploding.

I said, "Mom! I got sick at work. And my car is broken-ish. And I don't know what everyone is making for Thanksgiving! And, I need to apply to colleges, but I don't even know where to begin! I don't know what I want to do with my life! I need another job! I can't pay my rent! I want to rip out my ovaries! It's Wednesday!"

She said, "I couldn't really understand you. I'm bringing fruit salad."

....alright. After saying goodbye, I flopped onto my bed and had a nice little dramatic cry into my pillow.

Honestly, I felt a little better, a lot sheepish, but a little better.  As I was wiping the tears, and mascara, from my face, I looked at my wall. And had an a-ha! moment. On my wall, I have a canvas that has an inspirational quote on it. The first line says, "Today is the day."

Simple stuff. But it reminded me that today is all I can do. Breathe in. Breathe out. 

I can do today. 

Tomorrow will have to wait.

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